Awkward turtle!

There are many things that make me happy: getting to the station right as the train pulls up, pizza, discovering I have the self-control (albeit very rarely) to say no to pizza, and not chipping or smudging my manicure within the first 30 minutes of leaving the salon (this actually never happens). However, there is one thing which is the obvious winner in this contest, and that my friends is awkwardness.

My opinion and relationship with awkwardness has been a bumfuzzled journey of self-discovery. When I was younger, I was awkward in every sense of the word. Today, my attempts at conformity have proven about as successful as bowling with mittens. Despite my efforts, I am actually more awkward today than ever. But now you ask yourself why would I want to change the one thing that makes me happiest, and what the hell does bumfuzzle mean? Let’s chat…

Bumfuzzle verb \¦bəm¦fəzəl\

Definition:

confuse; perplex; fluster

Example:

"Irish can bumfuzzle any team" – headline about the Notre Dame "Fighting Irish" football team, Chicago Tribune, October 27, 20

In short, it’s been a perplexing and sometimes painful journey. I remember how nervous I was my first day of “real school” after being homeschooled on the farm. Highschool can be a cruel place, especially if you dress like a slutty mom. I will spare you the horror of elaborating on my outfit, but let’s just say it was a “development opportunity” (if you struggle with a similar condition I encourage you to reference this site http://www.wisegeek.com/how-can-i-be-less-frumpy.htm). The moment I dove into my dad’s Avalon after that traumatizing day, I burst into tears. This ritual continued for about a year.

Today is a different story. I flex and make a Hulk face in the mirror of the women’s locker room at equinox as other women are judging one another’s bodies. Yes I do this in the nude. I will do a little jig at the bar and not deny my flaws. If you think I’m crazy, you are right, but I also have discovered a beautiful secret. We all are flawed, and not just a little bit. Objectively speaking, we all have about 100 annoying, embarrassing, criminal, disgusting or pathetic things about us. Moreover, most of us try to hide them, and let me tell you, it is exhausting.

I have adopted an alternative approach which might shock you. I have decided to embrace my flaws, and through doing so have realized that maybe they aren't as terrible as I anticipated. Yes this leads to many awkward moments but I am about as close to being the queen of England as I am to being perfect and I am OK with that. I’m not suggesting I am a complete train wreck but let’s say we go to dinner.  I am more likely to spill food on myself than not. While I’m not proud of my etiquette impairments, by making fun of myself and bringing humor to the table, it’s a game changer. I am not being laughed at, but laughed with and that is a good feeling. I think dad would be relieved to know I’m not going to cry on the way home today.