Several weeks ago a close friend of mine emailed me an excerpt from one of my old blogs (http://fortysixxx.blogspot.com/p/quarter-life-crises.html).
As I read my candid opinions on entering into adulthood, I burst into laughter.
Unfortunately this reaction was short lived and quickly replaced by that little
emotional gremlin known as “horror.” If anyone saw my face, they would probably
agree that I was working through a “you have got to be f***ing kidding me”
moment. “What?” you ask could have been so disturbing about the words written by
my 23 year old self? EVERYTHING is what.
The excerpt literally sounded like I wrote it yesterday: same complaints, same
revelations, and same cynical attitude to mask the fact that the Sex and the
City lifestyle I was banking on actually resembles some of the more
uncomfortable episodes of Modern Family. In the words the famous philosopher Kanye
West, “that shit cray.”
{Disclaimer: My intent
was never to begin this most recent attempt at blogging with an emotional tirade,
but as my father says, I am not emotionally unstable, just a little “emotionally
unpredictable.” So with this out of the
way, I would like to share with you the “so what” of the aforementioned
reaction...}
Several years ago, I made a terrible mistake; I fell in love
with John Mayer. Unfortunately Jennifer won (at the time), but John left me marked
by the lyrics of a song, “Why Georgia.” If you do not recall this catchy
little tune, I’ll quickly give you the rundown. John is taking big
risks, feeling confused about the potential outcomes of pursuing his dreams,
doubting himself and labeling it all as a “quarter-life crises.” When I heard
this song, I could not get the concept out of my head, and immediately
attributed everything I was experiencing to this natural phenomenon of the
early 20 something’s.
My error in all of this was thinking that the quarter life crisis
was something I would overcome in a year, two at most…HA. My blog made two
things clear 1) I have and always will have terrible grammar and 2) This
quarter life crises is a chronic condition. As you can infer, this was not
something I was initially very happy about (the chronic condition not the
grammar – I have come to terms with that). There was a part of me that had
assumed that by 26 I would be married with kids, a leadership role on the PTA and
a timeshare in Palm Beach, but this is not how things turned out.
And Hallelujah for that!
At this point you might be thinking I am bi-polar and I
would encourage to revisit my disclaimer. Yes, when I first read my old blog I nearly
scaled the conference room table, ripped open my gingham oxford and pounded my
chest, king-kong style. And yes, I only decided
against this out of courtesy for my colleagues. But time proved kind, and I
have realized that I am so happy that things did not turn out exactly how I had
planned. Things have never been so exciting and ambiguous and for the first
time in my life, I embrace having little to no idea what is going on.
So this blog is about exactly that: Being OK with not
knowing all the answers, making the conscious decision to be vulnerable and let
it all hang out (not in the slutty, but metaphorical sense), accepting that
there are things I can’t control and nobody that I can. But most importantly,
it is about choosing happiness. I do not know all the answers and in fact I don’t
know many answers at all, but I have learned a lot, and want to continue to do
so. I encourage you to stay tuned, if not to become enlightened (which I would
advise against), for comic relief. Until next time, Tootles!
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