Standards and Singledom

Today has been VERY stressful because I knew that I wanted to write something but I had far too many Pulitzer Prize winning ideas (e.g., the fact there are so many pickles in Brooklyn, FOMO (fear of missing out), equinox and the strange things that happen there). But all these little gems had to be put on hold due to a text image this morning from a close friend…

    (please forgive my poor job of erasing her name...)

We immediately engaged in a candid texual conversation:

Friend: Coworkers diagram of my dating expectations. Haha. He picked all of this up from my dating stories at work

Me: hahahahahahahaha. Omg I have to blog that…sorry

Friend: haha, he’s ridiculous. I’m offended because he might be right…

Me: I mean…

Friend: Jeeeeeezzzzz becca. You think?! Are they ridiculous? Might be why I’m still single…Ha

Me: I mean, it’s good they are “high” but what “high” really means is where we should focus. Are you evaluating men based on the right qualities or does “high” actually mean attractive douche bag?

Friend: Damn gurl. PREACH

I expect that there are several things you may have taken away from this conversation:

1.       I don’t respect my friends’ privacy

2.       I have retarded text conversations

3.       I use “haha” too much

So let me just say 1 is completely not true, 2 and 3 are spot on…

But I shared this particular exchange with you because I think it reveals one of the most perplexing crises of our generation, and maybe the pilgrims struggled with the same thing - I just don’t know. But our standards are completely warped. I cannot tell you how many of my friends have recently told me “he is just too nice” or “he is just too into me.” Meanwhile, “he is just not my type” or “I wish he was a little taller.” Ladies, let me tell you something, this is a recipe for disaster, DISASTER I TELL YOU. I don’t say this to be condescending, I struggle with the same complex, but I also feel that as of recent, I have stumbled across a few glimpses into what really matters.

So boys, men, and man-children let me tell you a couple real truth's about what flys and what makes you about as attractive as Marilyn Manson:

Dont’s:

1.       Spending more time getting ready than me

2.       Talking about your body

3.       Saying negative things about women in my presence

4.       Assuming I will go home with you when I meet you if you buy me enough drinks

5.       Using the following in a text: “Dude”, “Bro”, “Was up”, “Yo”

6.       Acting like you are the shiz to overcompensate for your insecurities

7.       Trying to look and act just like everyone else

8.       Telling me you are in finance. Or at least telling me and expecting I care

9.       Touching me before talking to me

10.   Acting like a bro

11.   Being loud and obnoxious because you think it’s actually attractive

12.   Acting like you are superior as a flirting tactic

Irrelevant

1.       Whether you have a 4, 6 or 8 pack

2.       Where you went to college

3.       Whether you were a sigma chi, a kappa sig or a sigma nothing

4.       What your parents do

5.       What social clubs you are a member of

6.       Where you summer

7.       How much money you make (as long as you are doing something you are passionate about and supporting yourself)

8.       Your neighborhood

9.       Who you last dated

Do’s/Important

1.       You respect yourself, and others

2.       You don’t judge before hearing the full story

3.       You smile, sincerely

4.       You are patient

5.       You like the fact I burst into spontaneous dance offs

6.       You embrace your flaws

7.       You accept the fact you aren't perfect, because you aren't

8.       You forgive yourself and others

9.       You like adventures and trying new things

10.   You are vulnerable

11.   You don’t overcompensate for your insecurities in unhealthy ways

12.   You never talk negatively about women

13.   You don’t brag about things to make yourself feel important

14.   There are so many more…

This is a stream of consciousness, so by no means is this pretty or complete. It also doesn't mean that I think I have it all together or can say that all of these important qualities even apply to me, but I want to get there. As I try to become a better person, I challenge myself to value the qualities in others that are truly valuable, not the ones that perpetuate a culture of disrespect and misguided standards. So maybe we can all take a step back and ask ourselves fulfilling our list of “prince charming criteria” is going to make us happy or just lonely.