But, I fiercely believe that at the feet of rainbows are
pots of gold if you withstand storms with patience and courage. I have tried to elaborate on the sources of my contentment below.
1. The courage to say I am not perfect and I
actually prefer it this way
Can you imagine if we were all perfect? When I try it feels more like a nightmare than a dream. Think of the times you have laughed until you cried. These were usually moments where you laughed at your own flaws or the imperfections of our culture. And let’s be honest, what is perfection anyways? How could imperfect people define or even understand what perfect means. Not to mention we usually resent people who seem to “have it all.” Do you know what having it all means? It means that you have given up one thing to have another: a family, a chocolate bar, sleeping in. Or it means that maybe things have come a little easier to some, but at the expense of not growing through the challenges. The most amazing people in my life are those with deep scars: the unexpected death of a father, the loss of her virginity to a man who did not ask permission, the end of a two year relationship to discover he had cheated the whole time. These experiences did not define the people in my life, but these experiences have given them the character and courage to embrace this imperfect existence and they are better and more beautiful people for it.
Can you imagine if we were all perfect? When I try it feels more like a nightmare than a dream. Think of the times you have laughed until you cried. These were usually moments where you laughed at your own flaws or the imperfections of our culture. And let’s be honest, what is perfection anyways? How could imperfect people define or even understand what perfect means. Not to mention we usually resent people who seem to “have it all.” Do you know what having it all means? It means that you have given up one thing to have another: a family, a chocolate bar, sleeping in. Or it means that maybe things have come a little easier to some, but at the expense of not growing through the challenges. The most amazing people in my life are those with deep scars: the unexpected death of a father, the loss of her virginity to a man who did not ask permission, the end of a two year relationship to discover he had cheated the whole time. These experiences did not define the people in my life, but these experiences have given them the character and courage to embrace this imperfect existence and they are better and more beautiful people for it.
2. The rationality to differentiate between the things I can control and the things I can’t
If you are tired it is probably because 1) you were out too late last night 2) you spend all your energy trying to change the things you can’t or 3) a combination of the two. I was exhausted, so I decided to place everything into one of three categories: 1) things I can control 2) things I may be able to influence and 3) things I can’t control. Interestingly enough, with everything in its appropriate category, it was obvious that I have spent my entire life investing all my time and energy attempting to control the things I can’t, leaving no time or energy to influence the things I can. That’s crazy! But you probably do it too. Moreover, we usually just talk about the things we can change, but then don’t do anything about them. That’s even crazier! If you are in an unhealthy relationship, get out or get a therapist. If you are unhappy with your body, go to the gym and cut out the cookies. If you want to change the weather, tough luck. And Becca, PLEASE stop talking about wanting to get your yoga license and just do it. And ladies, I hate to break it to you, but being the skinniest girl at the bar doesn’t mean you will meet Mr. right, because here is the kicker, YOU CANT CONTROL OTHER PEOPLE. Please just accept this.
3. The understanding that I am not a cat. I
don’t have 9 lives, but one.
I think this is pretty self-explanatory, but if you don’t like your job, look for a new one. Yes, patience is a virtue, but if you haven’t liked it for 3 years, chances are you won’t like it tomorrow and now you are just wasting your time. If you have doubts about your relationship now after two years, and I mean serious doubts, chances are you are going to have some even more serious doubts 10 years from now, but a break up doesn’t just mean eating an entire box of chocolates while listening to Taylor Swift, but trying to decide who has the kids on the weekends. I think we all tend to spend too much time waiting things out when we deep down know they won’t change. I also think that if we truly considered and embraced the fact this is our one life, most of us would do at least several things differently.
I think this is pretty self-explanatory, but if you don’t like your job, look for a new one. Yes, patience is a virtue, but if you haven’t liked it for 3 years, chances are you won’t like it tomorrow and now you are just wasting your time. If you have doubts about your relationship now after two years, and I mean serious doubts, chances are you are going to have some even more serious doubts 10 years from now, but a break up doesn’t just mean eating an entire box of chocolates while listening to Taylor Swift, but trying to decide who has the kids on the weekends. I think we all tend to spend too much time waiting things out when we deep down know they won’t change. I also think that if we truly considered and embraced the fact this is our one life, most of us would do at least several things differently.
4. The conviction that above all other things, I must be a good person and the rest will follow.
Just trust me on this one. You will be happier if you are kinder, if you make thoughtful decisions and give others the credit of the doubt, if you decide to try to understand instead of judge. The reality is that you usually don’t know the full story and it may make a lot more sense that your co-worker has been a little moody when you discover her mom has stage four cancer. I won’t belabor the point, but if you have a bad attitude, it’s not only going to wear off on others but on you, and you will be the source of your own unhappiness. So try to smile and if you can’t, imagine accidently pooping your pants in public and surely you can at least flash a grin.
5. The belief that I was created for a beautiful purpose (even if I have ABSOLUTELY no idea what that is)
Don’t get me started. I have absolutely no idea what I want to “be,” besides me. Maybe my purpose in life is merely to have a sloppy blog that is read by one person or 1000. Maybe I am meant to do a lot of things that don’t fit neatly into a category and I could create a category of my own like Oprah. Maybe, I am just meant to help others find their happiness and as a result make room for a little more sunshine in this world. Maybe I’m meant to stop rambling because you get the point. I am special and so are you. And we will both do great things if we have the courage to wake up today and say, “I am imperfect, I have a purpose, and I am OK.”
You might be thinking I am drinking the Kool-Aid and you are wrong, I’m drinking a diet coke. You also might think I am suggesting that I have no bad days. Newsflash: I have TERRIBLE DAYS - days that are so bad, I want to throw my chair out the window of 30 Rock and run through the c-suite naked. But, thank god I feel frustration, disappointment, anger and remorse because if I didn’t, I would either be ignorant, on drugs or a sociopath. Emotions, both good and bad tell us so much about ourselves and they teach us how to engage with this world, so turn off NPR and tune into you.
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