Awkward turtle!

There are many things that make me happy: getting to the station right as the train pulls up, pizza, discovering I have the self-control (albeit very rarely) to say no to pizza, and not chipping or smudging my manicure within the first 30 minutes of leaving the salon (this actually never happens). However, there is one thing which is the obvious winner in this contest, and that my friends is awkwardness.

My opinion and relationship with awkwardness has been a bumfuzzled journey of self-discovery. When I was younger, I was awkward in every sense of the word. Today, my attempts at conformity have proven about as successful as bowling with mittens. Despite my efforts, I am actually more awkward today than ever. But now you ask yourself why would I want to change the one thing that makes me happiest, and what the hell does bumfuzzle mean? Let’s chat…

Bumfuzzle verb \¦bəm¦fəzəl\

Definition:

confuse; perplex; fluster

Example:

"Irish can bumfuzzle any team" – headline about the Notre Dame "Fighting Irish" football team, Chicago Tribune, October 27, 20

In short, it’s been a perplexing and sometimes painful journey. I remember how nervous I was my first day of “real school” after being homeschooled on the farm. Highschool can be a cruel place, especially if you dress like a slutty mom. I will spare you the horror of elaborating on my outfit, but let’s just say it was a “development opportunity” (if you struggle with a similar condition I encourage you to reference this site http://www.wisegeek.com/how-can-i-be-less-frumpy.htm). The moment I dove into my dad’s Avalon after that traumatizing day, I burst into tears. This ritual continued for about a year.

Today is a different story. I flex and make a Hulk face in the mirror of the women’s locker room at equinox as other women are judging one another’s bodies. Yes I do this in the nude. I will do a little jig at the bar and not deny my flaws. If you think I’m crazy, you are right, but I also have discovered a beautiful secret. We all are flawed, and not just a little bit. Objectively speaking, we all have about 100 annoying, embarrassing, criminal, disgusting or pathetic things about us. Moreover, most of us try to hide them, and let me tell you, it is exhausting.

I have adopted an alternative approach which might shock you. I have decided to embrace my flaws, and through doing so have realized that maybe they aren't as terrible as I anticipated. Yes this leads to many awkward moments but I am about as close to being the queen of England as I am to being perfect and I am OK with that. I’m not suggesting I am a complete train wreck but let’s say we go to dinner.  I am more likely to spill food on myself than not. While I’m not proud of my etiquette impairments, by making fun of myself and bringing humor to the table, it’s a game changer. I am not being laughed at, but laughed with and that is a good feeling. I think dad would be relieved to know I’m not going to cry on the way home today. 

Oops, I did it again....

I close friend recently told me that she had found a new motto for my life. My two thoughts were 1) how in the world do I still have friends and 2) wowwwww, this is creepy true...



And in spirit of candidness, I felt it appropriate to write about something on my mind this hott second, themes...

I feel like most of my weeks have themes. Last week’s theme was “oops.”

• Oops because I’m a hypochondriac I was and convinced myself I had throat cancer, despite having none of the symptoms besides being thirsty sometimes, which I recognize is not typically symbolic of a malady. My formal diagnoses ended being hypochondria and mild acid reflux, but only after I had my face numbed and a camera shoved up my nose and down my throat. Oops.
• Oops because I decided to enjoy a sunny day that also happened to be windy. The conversation and salad were fantastic, but I never had the opportunity to try the dressing because apparently Mother Nature decided to pour it all over my coat and dress. It was only when my skirt was hiked up around my waste and submerged in the women’s bathroom sink on the executive floor that two senior females in my company had the opportunity to not only witness my antics, but my exposed tush. Oops
• Oops because a new fabulous gay friend told me the only thing that would make my derby outfit more marvelous would be a “quick titty.” He explained that it is when a celebrity “accidently” exposes their breast to be fabulous. As serendipity would have it, my dress strap broke while dancing later that evening, but I think that may incident was a little more comparable to this…

  

Quadruple Oops....

For some reason I feel better after publicizing these minor incidents, and I am happy to report that this week has a different theme, carbohydrates. When I say that I ate half a birthday cake yesterday, I mean that I ate half a birthday cake, 2 chocolate almond croissants and French fries, and those were just my snack. Atkins is barking up the wrong tree because this girl is on a mission to eat ALL of the carbs on this island. 

As for next week, I’m hoping that my theme can be something like “Prince Harry wants to marry me” or “Beyoncé wants me to be a back-up dancer”, but if not, I will also settle for “good times with friends” or “I keep finding 20 dollar bills on the sidewalk”…

The Ongoing Quarter Life Crises

Several weeks ago a close friend of mine emailed me an excerpt from one of my old blogs (http://fortysixxx.blogspot.com/p/quarter-life-crises.html). As I read my candid opinions on entering into adulthood, I burst into laughter. Unfortunately this reaction was short lived and quickly replaced by that little emotional gremlin known as “horror.” If anyone saw my face, they would probably agree that I was working through a “you have got to be f***ing kidding me” moment. “What?” you ask could have been so disturbing about the words written by my 23 year old self?  EVERYTHING is what. The excerpt literally sounded like I wrote it yesterday: same complaints, same revelations, and same cynical attitude to mask the fact that the Sex and the City lifestyle I was banking on actually resembles some of the more uncomfortable episodes of Modern Family. In the words the famous philosopher Kanye West, “that shit cray.”

{Disclaimer: My intent was never to begin this most recent attempt at blogging with an emotional tirade, but as my father says, I am not emotionally unstable, just a little “emotionally unpredictable.”  So with this out of the way, I would like to share with you the “so what” of the aforementioned reaction...}

Several years ago, I made a terrible mistake; I fell in love with John Mayer. Unfortunately Jennifer won (at the time), but John left me marked by the lyrics of a song, “Why Georgia.” If you do not recall this catchy little tune, I’ll quickly give you the rundown. John is taking big risks, feeling confused about the potential outcomes of pursuing his dreams, doubting himself and labeling it all as a “quarter-life crises.” When I heard this song, I could not get the concept out of my head, and immediately attributed everything I was experiencing to this natural phenomenon of the early 20 something’s.

My error in all of this was thinking that the quarter life crisis was something I would overcome in a year, two at most…HA. My blog made two things clear 1) I have and always will have terrible grammar and 2) This quarter life crises is a chronic condition. As you can infer, this was not something I was initially very happy about (the chronic condition not the grammar – I have come to terms with that). There was a part of me that had assumed that by 26 I would be married with kids, a leadership role on the PTA and a timeshare in Palm Beach, but this is not how things turned out.

And Hallelujah for that!  

At this point you might be thinking I am bi-polar and I would encourage to revisit my disclaimer. Yes, when I first read my old blog I nearly scaled the conference room table, ripped open my gingham oxford and pounded my chest, king-kong style.  And yes, I only decided against this out of courtesy for my colleagues. But time proved kind, and I have realized that I am so happy that things did not turn out exactly how I had planned. Things have never been so exciting and ambiguous and for the first time in my life, I embrace having little to no idea what is going on.

So this blog is about exactly that: Being OK with not knowing all the answers, making the conscious decision to be vulnerable and let it all hang out (not in the slutty, but metaphorical sense), accepting that there are things I can’t control and nobody that I can. But most importantly, it is about choosing happiness. I do not know all the answers and in fact I don’t know many answers at all, but I have learned a lot, and want to continue to do so. I encourage you to stay tuned, if not to become enlightened (which I would advise against), for comic relief. Until next time, Tootles!

What business should and could be...

Designers without Borders

As many of you know, human trafficking is global issue that is very near and dear to my heart. There are many ways to combat crimes against the human body and spirit, however today I have noticed that it is not just through research, politics and field work that individuals are acting as change agents but through less traditional avenues such as fashion and the arts as well. I'd like to use this opportunity to highlight two creative ways in which  my friends are using something as simple as a bracelet to make a huge and beautiful impact.

Not For Sale

http://www.us.allsaints.com/not_for_sale/landing/

The Brave Collection

http://www.thebravecollection.com/

Women are more likely than men to blog

After declaring my intent to start blogging again, I came across this article. I suppose there is nothing wrong with being slightly stereotypical: http://mashable.com/2012/04/28/women-vs-men-social/

Social change?

Blogging Sounds so Hipster

I’m going to give this (blogging) thing another try, partly because I want to and partly because it seems like the sensible thing to do given the occasional interesting things I discover (and the fact I know my mother with love to have an additional tracking device).


I do, however intend to make some changes this time around:


1. The emo has got to go – My past blogs have been very emotional and egocentric. While I personally
    find myself to be a very relevant topic, I am going to expand my horizon to include things like culture,  
    politics, travel, food, etc.
2. No myspace pictures – Let’s just call it a phase and move on
3. Beyond creative writing – I’m not going to win a Pulitzer for this one, but I might eventually tell you
    where you can find the best corn taco in manhattan.


So, I welcome you to come along for the ride…several topics to come:


- Visiting New York on the Cheap*
- Why I don’t hate working in Hartford, CT
- Making use of your roof (or your friends, or one you have someone found access to) this summer
- How I cope with not being a CEO


*not morbidly expensive